The rain fell all that night. It made rivers of water that ran beneath the basement doors, into the kitchen, the still-room and the Pantries. We had to cut short our supper so that Mr Way and Charles might lay down sacks. I stood with Mrs Stiles at a back-stairs window, watching the bouncing raindrops and the flashes of lightning. She rubbed her arms and gazed at the sky.
雨下了一整夜。大雨使河水漫到地窖门口，漫进厨房，储藏室和餐具室。我们不得不中断晚餐，好让魏先生和查尔斯垒沙袋。我跟斯黛尔太太一起站在后楼梯窗口，望着飞溅的雨点和闪电。她抱着胳膊，盯着天空。
I went up early to Maud's rooms, and sat in the darkness, and when she came she did not know, for a minute, that I was there: she stood and put her hands to her face. Then the lightning flashed again, and she saw me, and jumped.
我提前上楼，回到莫德的房间，就在黑暗里坐着。她回来时不知道我在，她站着，双手捂着脸。然后一道闪电划过，她看到了我，惊得跳起来。
Her eyes seemed large. She had been with her uncle, and with Gentleman. I thought, "She'll tell me now." But she only stood gazing at me, and when the thunder sounded she turned and moved away. I went with her to her bedroom. She stood as weakly for me to undress her as she had stood in Gentleman's arms, and the hand he had kissed she held off a little from her side, as if to guard it. In her bed she lay very still, but lifted her head, now and then, from her pillow. There was a steady drip, drip in one of the attics.
她眼睛大大地瞪着。刚才她跟他舅舅和绅士在一起。我想着，“她要跟你说了。”可她就是站在那儿瞪着我，当雷声响起，她转身跑开。我跟她进了卧室。她站着让我帮她更衣，跟在绅士怀里时一样柔弱。她微微扬起那只他吻过的手，仿佛想护着那只手。她静静地躺在床上，脑袋在枕头上不时地抬起来，倾听连绵不断的雨滴声，那是雨点落在一间阁楼上的声音。
"Pity the sailors at sea," she said.
“海里的船员们最可怜了。”她说道。
"Are you here?" she said.
“你在这里？”她说道。
"Do you hear the rain?" she said; and then, in a softer voice: "The thunder is moving away…"
“你听到雨声吗？”她说道；然后，她声音放轻柔了：“雷声走远了。”
I thought of the basements, filling with water. I thought of the sailors at sea. I thought of the Borough. Rain makes London houses groan. I wondered if Mrs Sucksby was lying in bed, while the damp house groaned about her, thinking of me.
我想起浸满水的地窖。我想起海上的船员。我想起镇子。大雨令伦敦的房子不堪重负咯吱作响。我憧憬着，萨克斯比太太是不是躺在床上，周围房子在咯吱作响，她在思念着我。
Three thousand pounds! she had said. My crikey!
三千镑钱！她说过的，我的天啊！
Maud lifted her head again, and drew in her breath. I closed my eyes. "Here it comes," I thought.
莫德又抬起头，屏住了呼吸。我闭上眼睛。“来了，她要说了。”我这么想。
When I woke, the rain had stopped and the house was still. Maud lay, as pale as milk: her breakfast came and she put it aside and would not eat it. She spoke quietly, about nothing. She did not look or act like a lover. I thought she would say something lover-like soon, though. I supposed her feelings had dazed her.
我醒来时，雨已经停了，屋子里静悄悄的。莫德躺着，象牛奶一样苍白：早餐送上来了，她不吃，推到一边。她轻言细语，说着无关紧要的话。她的样子和举动不象个恋爱中人。尽管我觉得她会用恋爱腔说些什么。我以为是她的感情令她不知所措。
But after all, she said nothing.
可她什么都没说。
She watched Gentleman walk and smoke his cigarette, as she always did; and then, when he had gone to Mr Lilly, she said she would like to walk, herself. The sun had come up weak. The sky was grey again, and the ground was filled with what seemed puddles of lead. The air was so washed and pure, it made me bilious. But we went, as usual, to the wood and the ice-house, and then to the chapel and the graves. When we reached her mother's grave she sat a little near it, and gazed at the stone.
她一如既往地望着绅士度步，吸烟；他去见李先生后，她说她想散步。太阳升起来，天空又是灰蒙蒙的，地上都是铅色泥浆。空气清新如洗，这让我肝火旺盛。可我们还是出去了，如往常一样，我们去了树林，冰室，又去了礼拜堂和墓地。我们到她母亲的墓地后，她坐在旁边，凝视着墓碑。
It was dark with rain. The grass between the graves was thin and beaten. Two or three great black birds walked carefully about us, looking for worms. I watched them peck. Then I think I must have sighed, for Maud looked at me and her face -- that had been hard, through frowning -- grew gentle.
天色昏暗，快下雨了，墓地间的小草稀稀疏疏，都耷拉着。两三只大个儿的黑鸟逡巡在我们周围，它们在捉虫子吃。我看着鸟儿啄食。我想我肯定是叹了一口气，因为莫德看着我，她的表情——原本坚忍，随即变得柔和了，尽管还皱着眉。
She said, "You are sad, Sue."
她说道，“你不开心，苏。”
I shook my head.
我摇摇头。
"I think you are," she said. "That's my fault. I have brought you to this lonely place, time after time, thinking only of myself. But you have known what it is, to have a mother's love and then to lose it."
“我觉得你不开心，”她说道。“这都怪我。是我一次次带你来这个孤零零的地方，我只想着自己。不过你知道这是为什么，拥有母爱，然后又失去母爱。”
I looked away.
我眼睛看着别处。
She said, "You are brave…"
她说道：“你真坚强…”
I thought for a moment. I said at last that she had swallowed a pin, that had choked her.
我稍事思考。最后我说她误服了一枚别针，就被别针憋死了。
I thought of my mother, dying game on the scaffold; and I suddenly wished -- what I had never wished before -- that she had been some ordinary girl, that had died in a regular way. As if she guessed it, Maud said quietly now, "And what -- it doesn't trouble you, my asking? -- what did your mother die of?"
我想起我妈妈，她毫无惧色地死在绞刑架上；忽然间，我希望——以前我从没这么想过——莫德是普通人家的姑娘，平平静静地生活，一直到死。莫德仿佛猜到我在想什么，她轻声说道，“另外，希望你不要介意我这样问——你妈妈是怎么去世的？”
"It's all right," I said. "It doesn't matter."
“还好呀，”我说道。“不要紧的。”
She looked strangely at her fingers, that had red earth at the tips. I said, "What nonsense. Who has made you think that? They ought to be sorry."
她神情古怪地望着自己的手，手指尖上沾了点红土。我说道，“那都是无稽之谈。谁让你这么想的？他们应该跟你道歉。”
"Would you?" she said. "You see, I have an interest in knowing. For it was my birth that killed my mother. I am as to blame for her death as if I had stabbed her with my own hand!"
“你会吗？”她说道。“你看，我很想知道这些，是因为我的出生，我妈妈才去世。她去世，别人都怪我，好象是我亲手杀了她似的。”
I really did know a woman that died that way. Maud stared at me, and put her hand to her throat. Then she gazed down at her own mother's tomb.
我还真不知道有哪个女人是让别针憋死的。莫德凝视着我，手捂着喉咙，然后她目光转向她母亲的墓。
"How would you feel," she said quietly, "if you had fed her that pin yourself?"
“如果那枚别针是你放进去的，”她安静地说道。“你会有什么感觉？”
"No-one made me think it," she answered. "I thought it myself."
“没人让我这么想，”她答道。“是我自己想到的。”
It seemed an odd sort of question; but, of course, I was used by now to her saying odd sorts of things. I told her I should feel very ashamed and sad.
这是个古怪的问题；可是，当然了，这会儿我已经习惯了她说一些怪里怪气的话。我跟她说，我会感到非常羞愧非常伤心。
"Then that's worse, because you're clever and ought to know better. As if a girl could stop herself from being born!"
“那就更不应该了，因为你这么聪明，你应该更明白事理。一个姑娘家能决定她自己是不是该出生吗？”
"I wish I had been stopped!" she said. She almost cried it. One of the dark birds started up from between the stones, its wings beating the air -- it sounded like a carpet being snapped out of a window. We both turned our heads to see it fly; and when I looked at her again, her eyes had tears in them.
“我希望我没有出生！”她说道，她几乎在叫喊。一只黑鸟在墓碑间飞起来了，翅膀呼扇着空气——听上去，象窗户里扔出来一块地毯。我们不约而同地扭头去看那只飞鸟；当我又转过来看她时，她眼里含着泪水。
"Look at the sky," she said quickly. The sky had grown darker. "I think it will thunder again. Here is the new rain, look!"
“看那天空，”她很快地说道。天空更昏暗了。“我想天上又要打雷了，看！新雨来了！”
"Mr Rivers," I began. But she heard the name and shivered.
我试着提醒她。“瑞富斯先生，”我开腔了。可她一听到这名字就抖了一下。
I thought, "What do you have to cry for? You're in love, you're in love." I tried to remind her.
我思忖道，“你有什么可哭的事？你在谈恋爱，你在谈恋爱呀。”
She closed her eyes and let the rain fall on her face, and after another second I could not have said what were raindrops, and what tears. I went to her and touched her arm.
她闭起眼睛，听凭雨点落在她面庞上。只过了一秒钟，我就分不清哪是雨，哪是泪了。我走上前，拍拍她的胳膊。
"Put your cloak about you," I said. Now the rain fell quick and hard. She let me lift her hood and fasten it, as a child might; and I think, if I had not drawn her from the grave, she would have stayed there and been soaked. But I made her stumble with me to the door of the little chapel.
“披上斗篷，”我说道。这会儿雨点落得又急又密。她任我把她裹起来，帮她系好斗篷，象个孩子一样。我觉得，如果我不把她从墓地拽走，她还要待在那儿，全身淋湿。我带着她跌跌撞撞地奔向小礼拜堂门口。
Our skirts were dark with water at the hems. We stood close to one another, our shoulders tight against the chapel door, and the rain came down -- straight down, like arrows.
我们俩的裙边儿都被脏水搞得黑糊糊的。我们站在门廊下，彼此离的很近，我们的肩膀紧紧靠着礼拜堂的门，雨点直直落下，象箭头一样。
It was shut up fast with a rusting chain and a padlock, but above it was a porch of rotted wood. The rain struck the wood and made it tremble.
小礼拜堂的门紧锁着，门上有条生锈的铁链和一把挂锁，幸好门口有个门廊，门廊木桩破败不堪，在雨点拍打下微微震颤着。
"Are you truly?" she said. Her cheeks were damp, her hair clinging to them.
“你说真的吗？”她说道。她颧骨潮红，头发粘在上面。
A drop of rain fell between our faces.
一滴雨水从我们之间落下。
A thousand arrows and one poor heart.
千万颗的雨点和一颗卑劣的心。
She said it in a flat voice, like a girl saying a lesson; and though I had waited so hard to hear her say it, when I answered my words came out heavy as hers. I said, "Oh, Miss Maud, I am gladder than anything!"
她以一种单调的语气说出这话，好象在照本宣科；而我，我回应的话语说出来，跟她的话语一样沉重，尽管我一直苦等她说起这事。我说道，“噢，莫德小姐，我太高兴了！这是最让我开心的事了！”
"Then," she went on miserably, "I am sorry. For I have not told him yes. How can I? My uncle -- My uncle will never give me up. It wants four years until I am twenty-one. How can I ask Mr Rivers to wait so long?"
“那么，”她忧伤地继续说道，“我很抱歉，我没答应他。我怎么能答应他呢？我舅舅——我舅舅不会放过我。还要四年，到我二十一岁，才能结婚。我怎么能让瑞富斯先生等这么久？”
Of course, we had guessed she'd think that. We had hoped that she would; for in thinking it she'd be all the more ready to run and be married in secret. I said, carefully, "Are you sure, about your uncle?"
当然，我们早知道她会想到这个。我们希望她这么想。因为她一这么想，她反而会更快地跑出去秘密结婚。我小心翼翼地说道，“你肯定你舅舅会这样吗？”
She nodded. "He will not spare me, so long as there are books still, to be read and noted; and there will always be those! Besides, he is proud. Mr Rivers, I know, is a gentleman's son, but --"
她点点头，“他不会让我闲着，只要还有书籍，还有书要念，要整理；永远都是这些事！另外，他很骄傲。瑞富斯先生，我知道，他是一位绅士的儿子，可是——”
She said, "Mr Rivers has asked me to marry him, Sue."
她说道：“瑞富斯先生向我求婚了，苏。”
"But your uncle won't think him quite enough a swell?"
“可是你舅舅觉得他不够有钱？”
She bit her lip. "I'm afraid that if he knew Mr Rivers had asked for my hand, he would send him from the house. But then, he must go anyway, when his work here is finished! He must go --" Her voice shook. "And how will I see him, then? How may you keep a heart, for four years, like that?"
她咬着嘴唇。“我担心，一旦他知道瑞富斯先生曾向我求婚，他就会把瑞富斯先生撵走。而等他在这儿工作结束，瑞富斯先生还是得走！”她的声音颤抖着。“到那时，我要怎么样才见得到他呢？你又怎么能让一颗爱心原封不动地保持四年呢？”
She put her hands to her face and wept in earnest. Her shoulders jumped. It was awful to see.
她手捂着脸，情真意切地哭起来。她肩膀耸动着。这个样子看起来非常不好。
I said, "You mustn't cry." I touched her cheek, putting the damp hair from it. I said, "Truly, miss, you mustn't cry. Do you think Mr Rivers will give you up now? How could he? You mean more to him than anything. Your uncle will come round, when he sees that."
我说道：“你别哭！”我轻抚着她的面颊，拨开沾在她脸上的头发。我说道：“真的，小姐，你别哭。你觉得瑞富斯先生现在会放弃你吗？他怎么可能这样呢？你对他来说胜过一切，如果你舅舅了解到这些，他会回心转意的。”
"My happiness is nothing to him," she said. "Only his books! He has made me like a book. I am not meant to be taken, and touched, and liked. I am meant to keep here, in a dim light, for ever!"
“我的幸福对他来说毫无意义。”她说道。“他就想着他的书！他把我变的象一本书一样。他认为我走不了，他认为我没有感情，也没人喜欢我。他要我待在这儿，守着豆大的一丁点光，一辈子！”
She spoke more bitterly than I had ever heard her speak before. I said, "Your uncle loves you, I'm sure. But Mr Rivers --" The words got caught in my throat, and I coughed. "Mr Rivers loves you, too."
她语气凄苦，我以前没听过她这样讲话。我说道：“你舅舅是爱你的，我肯定。不过瑞富斯先生——”那些话塞住了我的嗓子眼，我咳嗽起来。“瑞富斯先生，也爱你。”
"You think he does, Sue? He spoke so fiercely yesterday, beside the river, while you slept. He spoke of London -- of his house, his studio -- he says he longs to take me there, not as his pupil, but as his wife. He says he thinks of nothing but that. He says he thinks that to wait for me will kill him! You think he means it, Sue?"
“你觉得他爱我吗？苏？昨天在河边，你睡着的时候，他说的那么激动。他说到伦敦，说到他的房子，他的工作室，他说他盼望着带我去那儿，不是作为他的学生，而是作为他的妻子。他说他除了这个，别的什么都不想。他说一想到要等我那么长时间，这想法都能杀了他！你觉得他是什么意思呢？苏？”
She looked at the ground. "But, what can he do?"
她望着地面。“可是，他能做些什么呢？”
She waited. I thought, "It's not a lie, it's not a lie, he loves her for her money. I think he would die if he lost it now. "I said, "I know it, miss."
她等我回应。我思忖道，“这不是谎话，这不是谎话，他爱她，为了她的钱。我想如果他失去这些，他会立马死去。”我说道，“我知道他是什么意思，小姐。”
"He cannot!"
“他不能问！”
"Then" -- I drew in my breath -- "you must find another way." She said nothing, but moved her head. "You must do that." Still nothing. "Isn't there," I said, "another way you might take…?"
“那——”我屏住呼吸——“你得想想其他办法了。”她没说话，脑袋动了一下。“你只能这么办。”她还是没说话。“就没有，”我说道，“别的办法能让你…”
"He must ask your uncle."
“他得问过你舅舅。”
"Tell them what, miss?"
“跟他们说什么？小姐？”
She blinked again, hesitating. "You must promise not to tell. You must swear it!"
她又眨眼，犹豫着。“你得保证不说，你得发誓！”
She lifted her eyes to mine and blinked back her tears. She looked anxiously to left and to right, then drew a little closer. She said, in a whisper: "You'll tell no-one, Sue?"
她看过来，望着我的眼睛，眨了几下眼，好褪去泪水。她看上去左右为难，然后上前一小步。她说道，“你跟谁都不会说吧？苏？”
"I swear!" I said. "I swear!" -- all the time thinking, Come on, say it now! -- for it was dreadful, seeing her so afraid to give up her secret, when I knew what the secret was.
“我发誓！”我说道。“我发誓！”——心里一直在叫，来吧，说吧，快说出来吧！——我知道她的秘密是什么，还要眼睁睁地看着她为说出秘密而担惊受怕，这太可怕了。
Then she did say it. "Mr Rivers," she said, more quietly than ever, "says we might go away, at night."
然后她说出来了，“瑞富斯先生，”她说道，声音比刚才轻，“说我们应该走，趁夜里。”
Her face, as she said the word, grew pale, I saw the blood fall out of her cheek. She looked at the stone on her mother's grave. I said, "You must follow your heart, miss."
当她说出这个字眼时，面颊变的苍白，我眼看着她颧骨上的血色消失殆尽。她望着母亲墓地的棺石。我说道，“你得听从你的心声，小姐。”
"At night!" I said.
“夜里！”我说道。
"He says we might be privately married. He says my uncle might try to claim me then; but he does not think he will. Not once I am a -- a wife."
“他说我们可以秘密结婚。他说我舅舅可能会把我抓回来；不过他觉得我舅舅不会这么做。舅舅不会来抓我的，只要我成了瑞富斯先生的——的妻子。”
"I am not sure. After all, I am not sure."
“我也拿不定主意。不管怎么说，我都拿不定主意。”
She turned a little, and still looked queer, and would not answer. Then she said, "I don't know."
她微微侧过身子，看上去还是怪怪的，没立刻答话。然后她说道，“我不知道。”
"Don't know? How can you not know a thing like that? Doesn't your blood beat hard when you see him coming? Doesn't his voice thrill in your ears, and his touch set you shaking? Don't you dream of him, at night?"
“不知道？你怎么会不知道呢？看到他来，你的心跳不会加快吗？听到他的声音，你的耳朵不会发抖吗？他碰到你，你不会心醉吗？夜里，你没梦到过他吗？”
"But to love, and then to lose him!" Her gaze grew strange. I said, "You love him, don't you?"
“不选爱情，就会失去他！”她的眼神变得古怪起来，我说道，“你是爱他的，不是吗？”
She did not answer. Instead, she closed her eyes and gave a shiver. She put her hands together, and again she stroked the spot upon her palm where he had yesterday touched his lips.
她没有作答。她只是闭起眼睛，身子一阵颤抖。她双手放在一处，又抚摩着手掌上昨天他吻过的地方。
Only now I saw, she was not stroking the flesh so much as rubbing at it. She was not nursing the kiss. She felt his mouth like a burn, like an itch, like a splinter, and was trying to rub the memory of it away.
这时我才看出，她不是在抚摩那个印记，而是在擦掉它。她并不在意那个吻。他的吻对她象烧伤，象疥疮，象碎片，她在试图把这些从记忆中擦除掉。
"What will you do?" I said, in a whisper.
“你要怎么做？”我小声说道。
"Say no to him?" she said slowly. "Say no?" Then her look changed. "And watch him leave, from my window? Or perhaps when he goes I shall be in my uncle's library, where the windows are all dark; and then I shan't see him leave at all. And then, and then -- oh, Sue, don't you think I should wonder, over the life I might have had? Do you suppose another man will come visiting, that will want me half as much as he? What choice have I?"
“拒绝他？”她慢慢地说道。“拒绝？”接着她神色一变，“从我的窗户里，目送着他离开？也许他走的时候，我在我舅舅的图书馆里，那儿窗子都是黑的，我根本看不到他走。然后，然后——噢，苏，你以为我会对余生有什么期望吗？你以为会有另外一个男人来到布赖尔，有瑞富斯先生一半喜欢我？我该选什么呢？”
"What can I do?" She shivered. "He wants me. He has asked me. He means to make me his."
“我能怎么做？”她战栗着，“他想要我，他跟我求过婚了。他想把我据为己有。”
"You might -- say no."
“你可以——不答应。”
She didn't love him at all. She was afraid of him.
她根本不爱他，她是害怕他。
She bit her plump lip. "And those things mean I love him?"
她咬起她那丰满的嘴唇，“这些就说明我爱他吗？”
I drew in my breath. She opened her eyes and held my gaze.
我屏住呼吸。她睁开眼睛，感觉到我的目光。
She blinked, as if she could not believe I had said it. I could not believe it, either.
她眨眨眼，仿佛不信我会说出这句话。连我自己也难以置信。
"Of course! What else could they mean?"
“当然！这些还能说明什么？”
Her gaze, now, was so steady and so bare, I flinched from it.
她瞪着眼，眼神执着空茫，面对这样的眼神，我又畏缩了。
I did not answer for a moment, but turned and gazed down at the wood of the door we stood against, and the rusting chain that held it closed, and the padlock. The padlock is the simplest kind of lock. The worst are the kind that keep their business parts guarded. They are devils to crack.
有那么一会儿，我没答话。我转过身，盯着小礼拜堂木门，门上生锈的链子，还有锁。锁是那种最简单的锁。最倒霉的事，是碰到那种把财宝钞票分散藏起来的人。那些人是盗贼的魔星。
For a second, she looked wretched -- as if she might have been hoping I would say anything but that; but it was only for a second. Then her face grew clear. She said, "I will. I'll do it. But, I can't go alone. You mustn't make me go with him, quite on my own. You must come with me. Say you will. Say you'll come and be my maid, in my new life, in London!"
有那么一秒钟，她看上去很沮丧，仿佛她期待着我说些什么，不管说什么，都不要说上面这番话；可她也就沮丧了一秒钟，神色又恢复平静，她说道，“我会的，我会嫁给他。不过，我不能一个人走。你不能让我就这么跟他走，就我一个人。你得跟着我。快说你愿意。快说你会跟着我，做我的女仆，去伦敦，在我的新生活里！”
Mr Ibbs taught me that. I closed my eyes and saw his face; and then, Mrs Sucksby's. Three thousand pounds -- "I drew in my breath, looked back to Maud, and said, "Marry him, miss. Don't wait for your uncle's word. Mr Rivers loves you, and love won't harm a flea. You will learn to like him as you ought, in time. Till then go with him in secret, and do everything he says."
艾伯斯先生教过我这些话。我闭上眼就看到他的脸，然后是萨克丝比太太的脸。三钱镑钱——我屏住呼吸，回头看着莫德，说道，“嫁给他，小姐，别等你舅舅发话了。瑞富斯先生爱你，爱情不会伤害任何人，甚至是一个跳蚤。你会很快学着喜欢他，尽你的本分。到那时，就跟他私奔，按他说的去做。”
She shivered and smiled and clutched at my arm, and then she drew me to her and put her head against mine. Her cheek was cool, and smooth as a pearl. Her hair was bright with beads of rainwater, I think she was weeping. But I did not pull away to try and find out. I did not want her to see my face. I think the look in my eyes must have been awful.
她颤抖着，微笑着，抓着我的胳膊，然后拉近我，头抵着我的头，她面颊冰凉，象珍珠一样光润。她头发上挂着雨珠，闪着光。我觉得她在哭。不过我没有为了查看这些而推开她。我不想她看到我的脸。我想我的眼神肯定很可怕。
I said I would. She gave a high, nervous laugh and then, from having wept and been so low, she grew almost giddy. She talked of the house that Gentleman had promised her; and of the fashions of London, that I would help her choose; and of the carriage she would have. She said she would buy me handsome gowns. She said she wouldn't call me her maid then, but her companion. She said she would get me a maid of my own.
我说我会的。她发出一阵高声地神经质地笑声，经过哭泣和低落，她都有点眩晕了。她谈论着绅士许给她的房子；还有伦敦的种种时尚，这些我可以帮她挑选，她还会有马车。她说她会给我买漂亮裙子，她说到那时，她就不会让我做女仆了，她会把我当作女伴。她说她还要为我找个女仆。
"For you know I shall be very rich," she said simply, "once I am married?"
“因为你知道，我一结婚，就会非常有钱了。”她简单地说道。
That afternoon she set out her paints and her painting, as usual; but the brushes and the colours stayed dry. Gentleman came to her parlour, walked quickly to her, and stood before her as if he longed to pull her to him but was afraid. He said her name -- not Miss Lilly, but Maud. He said it in a quiet, fierce voice, and she quivered, and hesitated once, then nodded. He gave a great sigh, seized her hand and sank before her -- I thought that was pushing it a bit, myself, and even she looked doubtful.
那天中午，她拿出画，象往常一样又开始画了；可画笔和颜料都放干了。绅士来到她的客厅，快步走向她，站在她面前，仿佛他渴望揽她入怀，可又有些害怕。他叫出她的名字——不是李小姐，而是莫德。他轻轻唤着她的名字，声音很激动。她颤栗着，犹豫了一下，接着点点头。他长长地舒了一口气，抓住她的手，单膝着地跪在她面前——我觉得他有点着急了，我自己有点怀疑，甚至莫德也看上去犹疑不定。
She said, "No, not here!" and gazed quickly at me; and he, seeing her look, said, "But we may be quite free, before Sue? You've told her? She knows all?" He turned to me with an awkward gesture of his head, as if it hurt his eyes to look at anything but her.
她说道，“不，别在这儿！”飞快地瞥了我一眼；而他，注意到她的眼神，说道，“可我们在苏面前不是更自由吗？你告诉她了吗？她都知道了？”他转过来朝着我，脑袋作势一晃，仿佛看了莫德以外的人会伤了他的眼睛。
He gazed hard at me. I gazed hard back.
他紧盯着我，我也毫不示弱地盯着他。
"She has promised to help us," said Maud. "But, Mr Rivers --"
“她已经答应帮助我们了，”莫德说道。“但是，瑞富斯先生——”
"Ah, Sue," he said, "if you were ever a friend to your mistress, be her friend now! If you ever looked kindly on a pair of foolish lovers, look kindly on us!"
“啊，苏，”他说道，“如果你以前是你小姐的朋友，那你现在继续做她的朋友吧！如果你以前充满善意地看待傻乎乎的情侣们，那就同样善意地看看我们吧。”
He was still on his knee, with his face tilted upwards. She touched his cheek. He turned his head and kissed her hands, and then she drew them quickly back. She said, "Sue will help us all she can. But we must be careful, Richard."
他还跪着，脸朝上仰着。她摸摸他的脸颊，他转过头，吻着她的手，然后她迅速地把手抽回去。她说道：“苏会尽她所能帮助我们。不过，我们还是要注意点，理查德。”
"That's better."
“这样才好。”
She lowered her head. She said, "Richard, then."
她低下头，说道：“那么，理查德。”
He rose and stepped from her. He said, "Do you know how careful my love will make me? See here, look at my hands. Say there's a cobweb spun between them. It's my ambition. And at its centre there's a spider, of the colour of a jewel. The spider is you. This is how I shall bear you -- so gently, so carefully and without jar, you shall not know you are being taken."
他站起来，走近她，说道，“你知道我的爱情能把我变得多么细致吗？看这里，看着我的手。这中间有张蜘蛛网，这就是我的雄心壮志。网中间有个蜘蛛，有着宝石般的光华。这个蜘蛛就是你，我会这样拥有你——非常轻柔，非常细致，决无冒犯，你不会知道你将有怎样的蜜运。”
"Oh, Maud," he said at that. "Do you mean to slight me?"
“噢，莫德，”他嗔怪地说道，“你跟我还这么生分？”
He smiled and shook his head. He said, "And you think, seeing me now, I shall never be that?"
他笑了，摇摇头，说道，“你看到我现在这个样子，是不是以为，我再不会这么殷勤了？”
He said that, with his white hands cupped; and then, as she gazed into the space between them, he spread his fingers and laughed. I turned away. When I looked at her again, he had taken her hands in his and was holding them loosely, before his heart.
他说了这些，手对成杯状；这时，她盯着他双手间，他张开手指笑起来。我转到一旁。等我又看到她时，他抓着她的双手，很随便地放到胸前。
I thought, "Of course she loves him." I watched as he leaned to her and touched her and made her blush. I thought, "Who wouldn't?"
我这么想着，“她理所当然爱他。”我看到，他侧身朝着她，轻抚着她，令她面红耳赤。我思忖道，“谁会不爱他？”
She seemed a little easier. They sat, and talked in murmurs.
她好象轻松些了。他们坐下来，开始窃窃私语。
Then he raised his head and caught my gaze and, stupidly, I blushed, too. He said, "You know your duties, Sue. You've a careful eye. We shall be glad of that, in time. But today -- well, have you no other little business, that will take you elsewhere?"
他抬起头，看着我的眼睛，然后，真是愚蠢透顶，我也脸红了。他说道，“你知道自己的职责，苏。你有一双敏锐的眼睛。很快，我们就会为此感到庆幸了。不过今天——好了，你就没有别的事，要到别的地方做吗？”
He gestured with his eyes to the door of Maud's bedroom.
他对莫德的卧室门使了个眼色。
And I remembered all she had said at the graves, and how she had rubbed her palm. I thought, "That was nothing, she has forgotten it now. Not love him, when he's so handsome and seems so kind?"
我记得她在墓地说的一切，还有她擦着手心的样子。我思忖道：“没那回事了，现在她早就忘掉了。他这么英俊又这么好，她会不爱他？”
"There's a shilling in it for you," he said, "if you do."
“这里面有一先令给你，”他说，“如果你愿意的话。”
I almost stood. I almost went. So used had I got, to playing the servant. Then I saw Maud. The colour had quite gone from her face. She said, "But suppose Margaret or one of the girls should come to the door?"
我差点站起来，差点就过去了。我已经非常习惯扮演仆人的角色了。这时我看看莫德，她脸上的红潮已经褪得一干二净，“可是如果玛格丽特或者别的女孩子过来，怎么办？”
"Why should they do that?" said Gentleman. "And if they do, what will they hear? We shall be perfectly silent. Then they will go again." He smiled at me. "Be kind, Sue," he said slyly. "Be kind, to lovers. Did you never have a sweetheart of your own?"
“他们为什么要过来？”绅士说道。“而且如果他们要过来，他们能听到什么？我们会很安静的，那样他们就会走开了。”他对我笑笑。“帮帮忙，苏，”他狡猾地说道。“对情人们好一点吧。你自己就从来没有过情人吗？”
I might still have gone, before he said that. Now I thought suddenly, Who did he think he was? He might pretend to be a lord; he was only a con-man. He had a snide ring on his finger, and all his coins were bad ones. I knew more than he did about Maud's secrets. I slept beside her in her own bed. I had made her love me like a sister; he had made her afraid. I could turn her heart against him if I wanted to, like that! It was enough that he was going to marry her at last. It was enough that he could kiss her, whenever he liked. I wouldn't leave her now to be tugged about and made nervous. I thought, "Damn you, I'll get my three thousand just the same!"
他如果不说这些话，我可能已经走开了。现在我忽然想，他以为他是谁？哪怕他装成神仙，他也只是个骗子。他手指上戴了个假戒指，他的硬币都是假货。有关莫德的秘密，我知道的事情，比他干过的事还要多。我跟她一起睡在她的床上。我让她象喜欢亲姐妹一样喜欢我；他只会让她害怕。如果我想，我能让她对他变心！只要最后他能跟她结婚就够了，他能随时随地的吻她，这就够了。现在我才不会丢下她，让她神经兮兮地苦熬呢！我思忖道，“见你的鬼去吧，我还是要拿到我的三千镑钱！”
So I said, "I shan't leave Miss Lilly. Her uncle wouldn't like it. And if Mrs Stiles was to hear of it, then I should lose my place."
所以我说道，“我不会丢下李小姐，她舅舅不喜欢这样。况且，如果被斯黛尔太太偷听到，那我就会失去这个职位。”
He said then that he supposed that that was true. They kept close before the fire, and after a while I went and sat and sewed beside the window and let them gaze at one another's faces undisturbed.
他说他觉得也是。他们在壁炉前，靠的很近。过了一会儿，我走到窗边坐下来，开始做针线活，让他们不受打扰地凝视彼此面庞。
I heard the hiss of his whispers, the rush of his breath as he laughed. But Maud was silent. And when he left, and took her hand and pressed it to his mouth, she trembled so hard, I thought back to all the times I had watched her tremble before, and wondered how I had ever mistaken that trembling for love. Once the door was closed she stood at the glass, as she often did, studying her face.
我听到他低语时的唏嘘声，他笑时的气息声。而莫德则静悄悄的。他离开时，拉起她的手，放到唇边，她抖的好厉害，我回想起以前每次看到她发抖，很奇怪怎么会把这错当成爱情的战栗。门一关上，她就站到镜子跟前，象她经常做的那样，研究起自己的脸来。
She stood there for a minute, then turned. She stepped very slowly and softly, from the glass to the sofa, from the sofa to the chair, from the chair to the window -- she moved, in short, across the whole of the room, until she reached my side. She leaned to look at my work and her hair, in its net of velvet, brushed my own.
她在镜子前面站了一分钟，然后转过来。她脚步轻而慢，从镜子到沙发，从沙发到椅子，从椅子到窗户——她一步步地，绕着小圈，穿过整个房间，来到我身边。她探身过来看我的劳动成果，她的头发，包在天鹅绒发网里，拂过我的头发。
He looked at me and frowned. Maud did not look at me at all; but I knew she was grateful. She said gently, "After all, Richard, we shouldn't ask too much of Sue. We shall have time enough to be together, soon -- shan't we?"
他看着我，眉头皱起。莫德根本就没看我；不过我知道她心怀感激。她温柔地说道，“总之，理查德，我们不该对苏要求太多。马上我们就有足够的时间待在一起了——不是吗？”
"You sew neatly," she said -- though I had not, not then. I had sewn hard, and my stitches were crooked.
“你缝的真整齐。”她说道——尽管我缝的并不整齐，当时缝的不好。我用力地缝，缝出来线脚都歪歪扭扭的。
Then she stood and said nothing. Once or twice she drew in her breath. I thought there was something she longed to ask me, but dared not. In the end she moved away again.
然后她站直身子，什么都没说。有一两次，她屏住了呼吸。我觉得她是有什么事想问我，可又不敢问。最后她又走开了。
And so our trap -- that I had thought so lightly of, and worked so hard to lay -- was finally set; and wanted only time to go quickly by and spring it.
于是我们的计划——我原以为轻而易举的，干起来却这么难——最终，按部就班地进行下去了。我只想时间过快一点，这一切早点跳过去。
Gentleman was hired to work as Mr Lilly's secretary until the end of April, and meant to stay out his contract to the last -- "So that the old man won't have the breaking of that to charge me with," he said to me, laughing, "alongside the breaking of certain other things." He planned to leave when he was meant to -- that is, the evening of the last day of the month; but, instead of taking the train for London, he would hang about, and come back to the house at the dead of night, for me and Maud. He must steal her away and not be caught, and then he must marry her -- quick as he could, and before her uncle should hear of it and find her and take her home again. He had it all figured out. He could not fetch her in a pony and cart, for he should never have got it past the gatehouse. He meant to bring a boat and take her off along the river, to some small out-of-the-way church where she would not be known as Mr Lilly's niece.
绅士被李先生雇来当秘书，要干到四月底，他打算干到底——“这样，在现有的其他障碍之外，”他笑着对我说道，“老头子就不会注意到我了，也不会影响到我的计划。”他打算该走的时候才走——也就是四月最后一天的夜里；不过，他不是坐火车去伦敦，而是在布莱尔周围闲逛，逛到天色漆黑，才回来接我和莫德。他得偷偷摸摸把她接出来，可不能被逮住，然后，在她舅舅听闻此事，找到她并她抓回布莱尔之前，他得尽快娶她。他把这些都算计好了。他不能用一匹小马或者一辆手推车带她走，因为这样，他永远过不了门房。他想找条小船，带着她从河上走，到一个没人知道她是李先生外甥女的偏僻小教堂。
When he had finished, Maud looked pale. She had begun to leave off eating, and was grown thin about the face. Her eyes were dark at the lids. She put her hands together.
他讲完，莫德面色苍白。她开始不怎么吃饭了，面庞消瘦下来。她眼圈发黑。她双手握起来。
Now, to marry a girl at any church you must have been living in the parish of it for fifteen days; but he fixed that up, as he fixed everything. A few days after Maud had promised him her hand, he found some excuse and took a horse and went riding off to Maidenhead. He got a special licence for the wedding there -- that meant they should not have to put out the banns -- and then he went about the county, looking out for the right kind of church. He found one, in a place so small and broken-down it had no name -- or anyway, that's what he told us. He said the vicar was a drunkard. Hard by the church there was a cottage, owned by a widow who kept black-faced pigs. For two pounds she said she would keep him a room and swear to whoever he liked that he had lived there a month.
现如今，你想在任何一个教堂里娶老婆，那你必须在这个教堂的教区里住满十五天。可他把这事儿办妥了，象他办妥别的事儿一样。几天后，莫德就要把手交给他了，他找了些借口，还搞到一匹马，骑马去了梅登海德。他弄到一个在当地结婚的特别许可——这意味着他们不必贴结婚布告了——接下来他转遍乡村，寻找合适的教堂。他找到一个，在一个很小的地方，居然没有名字——当然了，他是这么告诉我们的。他说那牧师是个酒鬼，教堂附近有个农舍，农舍主人是一位养了不少猪的寡妇。给两镑钱，她就为他留出个房间，指天对地地发誓，可以让他住一个月。
Women like that will do anything for gentlemen like him.
象她这样的女人，肯为他象这样的绅士做任何事。
He got back to Briar that night looking pleased as a weasel, and handsomer than ever; and he came to Maud's parlour and sat us down and spoke to us in murmurs of all he had done.
那天晚上他回到布莱尔，象只黄鼠狼似的，兴高采烈，容光焕发。他来到莫德的客厅，跟我们一起坐下来，轻声细语地给我们讲了他做的一切。
I thought I knew what she meant. She had three weeks left to make herself want him. I saw her counting the days in her head, and thinking.
我想我知道她是什么意思。她还剩下三个星期的时间，我看她心里数着日子，想着心事。
"Three weeks," she said.
“三个星期，”她说道。
"No indeed," she would answer. "No, how can you say it?"
“不是，真的不是。”她会答道。“不是的，你怎么能这么说？”
She was thinking of what was coming at the end of them.
她在想着他们会有怎样的结局。
"I don't think you love me as you ought."
“我觉得你不象你应当表现出的那么爱我”
"Not love you?"
“不爱你？”
For, she never learned to love him. She never grew to like his kisses or the feel of his hand upon hers. She still shrank from him in a miserable fright -- then nerved herself to face him, let him draw her close, let him touch her hair and face. I supposed at first he thought her backwards. Then I guessed he liked her to be slow. He would be kind to her, then pressing, and then, when she grew awkward or confused he would say, "Oh! now you are cruel. I think you mean only to practise on my love."
因为，她从没爱上他，她没喜欢上他的吻或者抚摩。她依然会在可怜巴巴的惊恐中躲开他——然后又鼓起勇气面对他，让他靠近自己，让他触摸她的头发和面庞。刚开始我以为他会觉得她，后来我猜他喜欢她慢热点。他会善待她，然后加点力，然后如果她变的不灵活或者迷惑了，他会说，“噢，你真残忍，我觉得你只是想利用我的感情。”
Then she would let him kiss her, as if to prove that there was not. She would be stiff, or weak as a puppet. Sometimes she would almost weep. Then he would comfort her. He would call himself a brute that did not deserve her, that ought to give her up to a better lover; then she would let him kiss her again. I heard the meeting of their lips, from my cold place beside the window. I heard the creeping of his hand upon her skirt.
于是她就会让他吻她，似乎要证明她没想着别人。她要么四肢僵硬，要么象个木偶一样任他摆布。有时她都快哭出来了。那他就会安慰她，他会说自己是个配不上她的畜生，应该给她找个更好的情人；然后她又会让他吻她。我坐在窗边冷飕飕的角落里，听到他们嘴唇碰在一起的声音。我听到他的手在她裙子上摸索。
"You won't show it. Perhaps' -- and here he'd give a sly glance, to catch my eye -- "perhaps there's someone else you care for?"
“你没表现出来。或许”——说到这儿，他会狡猾地观察一下我的眼睛——“或许你关心着其他什么人？”
"She is afraid of you."
“她怕你。”
Now and then I would look -- just to be sure he had not put her in too much of a fright.
我时不时地看他们两眼——就是想确定他没有太惊吓到她。
But then, I didn't know what was worse -- seeing her face shut up, her cheek made pale, her mouth against his beard; or meeting her eye as the tears were pressed from it and came spilling.
可是看到他们，我不知什么样的事会更糟糕——看到她面无表情，两颊苍白，嘴唇贴着他的胡须，或者正好看到她的眼睛，泪水就要夺眶而出了。
"Let her alone, why don't you?" I said to him one day, when she had been called from the room to find a book for her uncle. "Can't you see she don't care for it, having you pestering her like that?"
“为什么你不让她自个待着？”有一天她被舅舅叫去帮他找一本书，我问他。“你没看见她不喜欢那样吗？干吗还要那样纠缠她呢？”
He looked at me queerly for a second; then raised his brows. "Not care for it?" he said. "She is longing for it."
他神情古怪地看了我一眼，然后扬起眉毛。“不喜欢？”他说道。“她求之不得呢。”
He paused, then laughed. He thought it a filthy kind of joke.
他顿住，笑起来。他觉得这是个黄色笑话。
"She is afraid of herself. Girls like her always are. But let them squirm and be dainty as much as they like, they all want the same thing in the end."
“她怕她自己。象她这样的女孩都这样。不过，让她们坐立不安，再按她们希望的那样，尽量讲究些，到了床上，她们想的事儿都一样。”
"What she wants from you is to be taken from Briar," I said. "For the rest, she knows nothing."
“她想从你这里得到的，就是把她带出布莱尔，”我说道。“其余的，她什么都不懂。”
"They all say they know nothing," he answered, yawning. "In their hearts, in their dreams, they know it all. They take it in their milk from the breasts of their mothers. Haven't you heard her, in her bed? Doesn't she wriggle, and sigh? She is sighing for me. You must listen harder. I ought to come and listen with you. Shall I do that? Shall I come to your room, tonight? You could take me to her. We could watch to see how hard her heart beats. You could put back her gown for me to see."
“人们总说自己什么都不懂。”他打着哈欠答道。“在他们心里，在他们梦里，他们什么都懂。从他们吃妈妈的奶开始就懂了，她不辗转反侧吗？她不叹气吗？她叹气是为了我。你肯定听多了。我也应该过来跟你一道听听。我该听听吗？今晚我能来你卧室吗？你可以把我带给她。我们就能看到她心跳得多乱了。你可以把她的睡衣扒掉，让我看看她。”
"I should find it, all right. I've had the plan of the house, from the little knifeboy. He's a good little boy, with a chattering mouth." He laughed again, rather harder, and stretched in his chair. "Only think of the sport! And how would it harm her? I would creep, like a mouse. I am good at creeping. I would only want to look. Or, she might like to wake and find me there -- like the girl in the poem."
“我会找到的，没错。我已经从查尔斯手里搞到这所房子的平面图了，查尔斯是个乖小孩，他有一张漏嘴巴。”他又笑了，笑的很开心，他在椅子里伸展开。“就是想玩玩！这又不会伤到她，我会轻手轻脚的，象只老鼠一样。我最擅长轻手轻脚了。我就是想看看。或许，她醒来时看到我在那儿，会高兴的——就象诗歌里写的姑娘。”
But I heard his words, and imagined him coming. I imagined putting back her gown. I blushed, and turned away from him. I said, "You should never find my room."
可我听了他的话，想象着他走进来，我想象着脱掉她的睡衣，我脸红了，连忙从他身边走开。我说道，“你永远也找不到我的房间。”
I knew he was teasing. He would never have risked losing everything, for a lark like that.
我知道他在揶揄我。他才不会为这种小调戏冒任何风险。
I knew many poems. They were all about thieves being plucked by soldiers from their sweethearts' arms; and one was about a cat being tipped down a well. I didn't know the one he mentioned now, however, and not knowing made me peevish.
我知道一些诗，都是写强盗被士兵从他们情人怀里抓走的诗歌；还有一首是写一只猫踮起脚走墙头的。可我不知道他这会儿说的是哪首诗，这让我格外恼火。
"You leave her alone," I said. Perhaps he heard something in my voice. He looked me over, and his voice turned rich.
“你让她一个人待着，”我说道。他似乎从我声音里听出了什么。他仔细打量着我，他声音变得丰满起来。
"Oh, Suky," he said, "have you grown squeamish? Have you learned sweet ways, after your spell with the quality? Who would have said you should take so to serving ladies, with pals like yours, and a home like your home! What would Mrs Sucksby say -- and Dainty, and Johnny! -- if they could see your blushes now?"
“噢，苏，”他说道，“你变神经了吗？给上等人干一段时间活，你就学好了？有谁跟你说过你该这样服侍女主人吗？跟你这样的人说？跟来自你这种家庭的人说？如果萨克斯比太太看到你现在脸红的样子，她会说什么？还有达蒂，还有约翰，他们会说什么？”
They would say I had a soft heart," I said, firing up. "Maybe I do. Where's the crime in that?"
“他们会说我心太软。”我说道，我又火起来了。“也许我就是心太软呢，这有什么错？”
"God damn it," he answered, firing up in his turn. "What did a soft heart ever do for a girl like you? What would it do, for a girl like Dainty? Except, perhaps, kill her." He nodded to the door through which Maud had gone to her uncle. "Do you suppose," he said, "she wants your qualms? She wants your grip, on the laces of her stays -- on her comb, on the handle of her chamberpot. For God's sake, look at you!" I had turned and picked up her shawl, and begun to fold it. He pulled it from my hands.
“真见鬼，”他答道，这回轮到他发火了。“心太软对你这样的姑娘来说，有什么用？对达蒂那样的姑娘，有什么用？也许，心软只会害死她。”他冲莫德出去见舅舅的那扇门点点头。“你以为，”他说道，“她要你帮她多虑？她要你在旁边照顾她，照管她的生活——照管梳子，夜壶。看在上帝的分上，看看你自己吧！”我转身拿起她的披肩，开始叠披肩。他从我手里拽过披肩。
"When did you become so meek, so tidy? What do you imagine you owe, to her? Listen to me. I know her people. I'm one of them. Don't talk to me as if she keeps you at Briar for kindness' sake -- nor as if you came out of sweetness of temper! Your heart -- as you call it -- and hers are alike, after all: they are like mine, like everyone's. They resemble nothing so much as those meters you will find on gas-pipes: they only perk up and start pumping when you drop coins in. Mrs Sucksby should have taught you that."
“你什么时候变的这么听话，这么爱收拾了？听我说，我了解她这样的人，我就是这种人，别跟我说她大发善心，才把你留在布莱尔，也别说你性情温良才会来这儿，你的心肠——你自己这么说的——其实跟她的差不多：跟我、跟所有人一样。他们都见钱眼开！跟煤气表一样，你得扔个硬币进去他们才会运转起来。萨克丝比太太应该教过你这些东西！”
I said, "I should tell Mr Lilly!"
我说道，“我要告诉李先生！”
At that his cheeks, behind his whiskers, grew crimson, and I thought he might get up and hit me. But he only leaned forward in his seat, and reached to grip the arm of my chair. He said quietly, "Let me see you in your tantrums again and I will drop you, Sue, like a stone. Do you understand me? I have come far enough now, to do without you if I must. She will do anything I tell her. And say my old nurse, in London, should grow suddenly sick, and need her niece to tend her? What would you do then? Should you like to put on your old stuff gown again, and go back to Lant Street with nothing?"
这时他两颊变成深红色，我以为他要站起来打我。可他只是斜靠在椅子上，伸手抓住我的椅子，轻轻地说道，“苏，再让我看到你乱发脾气，我就甩掉你，象扔掉一块石头一样。你明白我的意思吗？我现在已经快成了，如果非得甩掉你，那没有你帮忙我也成。我让她干什么，她就干什么。如果我说我住在伦敦的老保姆，突然生了急病，需要她外甥女照顾她，到时候，你该怎么办？你愿意重新穿上你的旧衣裳，两手空空地回到蓝特街吗？”
"Go and fuck it," I said.
“去你妈的。”我说道。
"Mrs Sucksby kept you too close," he answered. Too close. The boys of the Borough are right, calling you slow. Too close, too long. Too much like this." He showed me his fist.
“萨克丝比太太太宠你了，”他答道。“太宠了，镇上的男孩子说你迟钝，他们说的对。太宠了，宠了这么长时间，宠成这个样子。”他向我晃晃拳头。
"Go ahead. And why not tell her, while you are about it, that I have a tail with a point, and cloven hooves? So I would have, were I to act my crimes upon the stage. No-one expects to meet a man like me in life, however. She would choose not to believe you. She cannot afford to believe you! For she has come as far as we have, and must marry me now, or be more or less ruined. She must do as I say -- or stay here, and do nothing, for the rest of her life. Do you think she'll do that?"
“去吧。为什么不跟她说，我是一只夹着尾巴的大灰狼，你在这里面也干了一票？所以，我会的，我会在这个舞台上扮演好我的罪恶角色。当然，没有人会希望在生活中遇到我这样的男人。她不会相信你。她根本不会相信你！因为她已经陷的跟我们一样深了，现在她必须嫁给我，否则多多少少，她都要完蛋。她必须按我说的做——要么就留在这里，一事无成，度过余生。你觉得她会这么做吗？”
"Mrs Sucksby taught me lots of things," I said, "and not what you are saying now."
“萨克丝比太太教过我许多事，根本不是你说的这些！”
"Do you think he would have you in his room, long enough to hear you?"
“你认为，他会让你一直待在他房间里，听你告诉他一切？”
"Then, I should tell Maud."
“那，我要告诉莫德。”
"You are cold," he said.
“你好冷，”他说道。
Maud looked up. "What's this?" she said.
莫德抬起眼，“怎么了？”她说道。
He sat with his hand on my chair, his eyes on mine, for another moment or two; then there came the pat of Maud's slippers on the stairs, and after a second her face about the door. And then, of course, he sat back and his look changed. He rose, and I rose, and I made a hopeless sort of curtsey. He went quickly to her and led her to the fire.
他坐在那儿，手扶着我的椅子，眼睛盯着我，沉默了一会儿。然后，楼梯上传来莫德拖鞋的踢踏声，一秒钟后莫德出现在门口。这时候，当然，他坐回去，脸上表情也变了。他站起来，我也站起来。他快步上前迎接她，带她来到壁炉旁。
They stood before the mantel, but I saw their faces in the glass. She looked at the coals in the hearth. He gazed at me. Then he sighed and shook his hateful head.
他们站在壁炉架前，而我可以从镜子里看到他们的脸。她望着壁炉里的煤火，他凝视着她。然后他叹口气，摇了摇他那令人生厌的脑袋。
"Oh, Sue," he said, "you are terribly stern today."
“噢，苏，”他说道，“你今天过分苛刻了。”
What could I say? She had as good as told me herself that she would not. So I was silent. But from that point on, I think I hated him.
我还能说什么？她那么善良，那么好，她早已对我吐露心迹，她是不会那么做的。所以我无言以对。可从这一刻开始，我觉得我恨他。
I swallowed, saying nothing. He said, "Poor Sue is weary of me. I've been teasing her, while you were gone."
我咽下口水，说没什么。他说道，“可怜的苏烦我了。你走开那会儿，我惹恼她了。”
"Teasing her, how?" she asked, half-smiling, half-frowning.
“惹恼她？怎么惹她了？”她半是笑半是皱眉地问道。
"Why, by keeping her from her sewing, by talking of nothing but you! She claims to have a soft heart. She has no heart at all. I told her my eyes were aching for want of gazing at you; she told me to wrap them in flannel and keep to my room. I said my ears were ringing, for want of your sweet voice; she wanted to call for Margaret to bring castor-oil to put in them. I showed her this blameless white hand, that wants your kisses. She told me to take it and --" He paused.
“怎么惹，不让她做针线活呗，跟她谈天，只说你不说别的。她自称有一颗柔软的心，其实她根本就是没心没肺的。我说我想见你，想得眼睛都疼了，她让我用绒布把眼睛包起来，待在房间里养着。我说我想听到你甜美的声音，想得耳朵都嗡嗡响了，她居然想找玛格丽特，叫她带机油来，点到我耳朵里。我向她展示这双渴望你亲吻的手，这双无辜的手，她跟我说，把手放一边，还——”他停住。
"Well, put it in my pocket."
“嗯，叫我揣到口袋里。”
"And what?" said Maud.
“还什么？”莫德说道。
He lifted his arm. "It still wants your kisses," he said.
他抬起胳膊。“它还期待着你的吻。”他说道。
He smiled. Maud looked once at me, in a doubtful way; "Poor hand," she said at last.
他笑了。莫德难以置信地看了我一眼。“可怜的手。”最后她说道。
She hesitated, then took his hand and held it in her own two slender ones and touched his fingers, at the knuckles, with her lips.-- "Not there," he said quickly, when she did that. "Not there, but here."
她犹豫着，接过他的手，用她纤细的双手捧着，嘴唇轻触着他的手指关节。——“不是这儿，”他飞快地说道，“不是这儿，是这儿。”
For he was right, damn him. Not about Maud -- for I knew that, whatever he said about hearts and gas-pipes, she was sweet, she was kind, she was everything that was gentle and handsome and good. But, he was right about me. How could I go back to the Borough, with nothing? I was meant to make Mrs Sucksby's fortune. How could I go back to her, and to Mr Ibbs -- and to John -- saying, I had thrown off the plot, let slip three thousand pounds, because --
他是对的，这个该死的。并不是说莫德那些事——因为那些我都知道，不管他说什么心肠啦，煤气表啦，她都是可爱的，善良的，她都是温柔、美丽、优秀的。而是说，他说我的那些话是对的。我怎能两手空空地回到镇上呢？我是来让萨克丝比太太发横财的。我怎么回去跟她，跟艾伯斯先生——还有跟约翰——说，我退出这个计划，放过三千镑钱，就因为——
He turned his wrist and showed his palm. She hesitated again, then dipped her head to it. It covered her mouth, her nose, and half her face. He caught my eye, and nodded. I turned away and wouldn't look at him.
他手腕翻过来，露出手心。她又犹豫了一下，然后低头把脸埋在他手里。他的手盖住了她的唇，她的鼻子，盖住了她半张脸。他瞄着我的眼睛，得意地点着头。我转过脸去，不看他。
I didn't think it did. So though, as I have said, I was sorry for her, I was not quite sorry enough to want to try and save her. I never really thought of telling her the truth, of showing up Gentleman as the villain he was -- of doing anything, anything at all, that would spoil our plot and keep us from our fortune. I let her suppose he loved her and was kind. I let her think that he was gentle. I watched her try to make herself like him, knowing all the time that he meant to take her, trick her, fuck her and lock her away. I watched her grow thin.
我不认为我得这样。所以尽管，正如我所说的，我对她心怀歉疚，一想到保护她我就没那么内疚了。我从没认真想过对她披露真相，揭露绅士是个什么样的恶棍，也从没做过任何可能破坏我们的计划，让我们的横财泡汤的事。我让她以为他爱上了她，让她以为他是好人。我让她觉得他是个绅士。我注意到，她试图让自己喜欢上他，自始至终我都知道，他打算带走她，欺瞒她，侮辱她，再把她关起来。
And then, say I gave it all up -- how would that save Maud? Say I went home: Gentleman would go on and marry her, and lock her up anyway. Or, say I peached him up. He would be sent from Briar, Mr Lilly would keep her all the closer -- she might as well be put in a madhouse, then. Either way, I didn't say much to her chances.
然后，我说我都放弃了——那样能救莫德吗？我说我打道回府：绅士还是要继续下去，跟她结婚，还是要把她关起来。要么，我告发他，他会被撵出布莱尔，李先生会寸步不离地看住莫德——那样的话，她可能也会被送进疯人院。二者择其一，我找不出更多可能性了。
But her chances had all been dealt her, years before. She was like a twig on a rushing river. She was like milk -- too pale, too pure, too simple. She was made to be spoiled.
而这么多年来，一直是生活在选择她。她象奔流的河水中的一根树枝，随波逐流。她如牛奶般——洁白，纯净，单纯。她生来就注定要被玷污。
Because what? Because my feelings were finer than I thought? They would say my nerve had failed me. They would laugh in my face! I had a certain standing. I was the daughter of a murderess. I had expectations. Fine feelings weren't in them. How could they be?
因为什么呢？因为我心地比我原想的好？他们会说我是胆小鬼。他们会当面嘲笑我！我有名声，我是个女杀人犯的女儿。他们没有这种美好的情感，他们怎么会有？
Besides, nobody's chances were good, where I came from. And though she was to do badly, did that mean I must?
另外，在我出身的地方，没有谁是好命人。虽然她前景堪忧，但那就意味着我得救她？
I watched her pale and dwindle. I watched her sit with her head in her hands, passing the points of her fingers across her aching brow, wishing she might be anyone but herself, Briar any house but her uncle's, Gentleman any man but the man she must marry; and I hated it, but turned away. I thought, It can't be helped. I thought, It's their business.
我眼见她日渐消瘦，眼见她苍白瘦小。眼见她抱着头坐在那儿，指尖划过弯弯的眉毛，期望着自己是其他任何人，只要不是她自己，布莱尔是其他任何人的房子，只要不是她舅舅的，她要嫁的是其他任何人，只要不是绅士；我恨这些事，可我只是转过头去。我觉得，这都无济于事，我觉得那是他们自己的事。
But, here was a curious thing. The more I tried to give up thinking of her, the more I said to myself, "She's nothing to you", the harder I tried to pluck the idea of her out of my heart, the more she stayed there.
不过，还有件怪事。我越是试图不为她着想，我越是对自己说，“她跟你什么关系也没有”，我越是用力从心里铲除想她的念头，她就越是要待在那儿。
All day I sat or walked with her, so full of the fate I was bringing her to I could hardly touch her or meet her gaze; and all night I lay with my back turned to her, the blanket over my ears to keep out her sighs. But in the hours in between, when she went to her uncle, I felt her -- I felt her, through the walls of the house, like some blind crooks are said to be able to feel gold. It was as if there had come between us, without my knowing, a kind of thread. It pulled me to her, wherever she was. It was like -- It's like you love her, I thought.
我整天跟她一起坐着，一起散步，我正把她推向充满灾难的命运深渊，我几乎不敢碰她，也不看她的眼睛。夜里我背朝着她睡，毯子盖到耳朵上，以免听到她叹息。她去她舅舅那儿时，我能感觉到她——我能感觉到她，尽管隔着层层墙壁，就象有些骗人的瞎子声称他们能感觉到金子一样。仿佛在我不知不觉中，我们之间有了一种感应。无论她身在何处，这种感应都能把我推到她面前。这好象是——好象是你爱上她了，我思忖道。
It made a change in me. It made me nervous and afraid. I thought she would look at me and see it -- or Gentleman would, or Margaret, or Mrs Stiles. I imagined word of it getting back to Lant Street, reaching John -- I thought of John, more than any of them. I thought of his look, his laugh. "What have I done?" I imagined I'd say. "I haven't done anything!" And I hadn't. It was only, as I've said, that I thought of her so, that I felt her so. Her very clothes seemed changed to me, her shoes and stockings: they seemed to keep her shape, the warmth and scent of her -- I didn't like to fold them up and make them flat. Her rooms seemed changed. I took to going about them -- just as I had done, on my first day at Briar -- and looking at all the things I knew she had taken up and touched. Her box, and her mother's picture. Her books. Would there be books for her, at the madhouse? Her comb, with hairs snagged in it. Would there be anyone to dress her hair? Her looking-glass. I began to stand where she liked to stand, close to the fire, and I'd study my face as I'd seen her studying hers.
这让我有了变化，让我神经紧张，恐惧起来。我觉得她望着我，都能看出来——或者绅士会看出来，或者玛格丽特，或者斯黛尔太太。我想象着回到蓝特街，见到约翰，我该说什么——我老想起约翰，比想其他人多。我想起他的外表，他的笑。“我都干什么了？”想象中我会这么说，“我什么都没干！”我没干。我只是，正如我说过的，老是想起她，老是感觉到她。她的衣服在我眼里变了个样儿，她的鞋袜，好象还保留着她的形态，体温和气味——我不想把这些东西叠起来，也不想收拾平整。她的房间仿佛也变了个样，我走在房间里——就好象第一天到布莱尔做的那样——端详着她拿过、碰过的所有东西。她的盒子，她母亲的小画像。她的书。进了疯人院，她还会有书看吗？她的梳子，上面还绕着几根头发。疯人院里有人为她梳理头发吗？她的镜子。我站在她经常站的地方，靠近壁炉，我端详着镜子里的脸，就象以前我见过的她端详着她的脸。
I'd watch her take her tea -- pick up her cup, sip from it, put it down, pick it up and sip again, like a machine would; or I'd see her sew, with crooked stitches, nervous and quick; and I'd have to turn my gaze. I'd think of the time I had put back the rug and danced a polka with her. I'd think of the day I had smoothed her pointed tooth. I remembered holding her jaw, and the damp of her tongue. It had seemed ordinary, then; but I could not imagine, now, putting a finger to her mouth and it being ordinary…
我见她喝茶——端起茶杯，喝一小口，放下，再端起来喝一小口，简直象个喝茶机器；还有我见她做针线，针脚歪歪斜斜，针走得又快又紧张；于是我会移开视线。我会想起那段卷起地毯跟她跳波尔卡的时光，想起那天帮她磨牙，我还记得托着她的下巴，碰到她舌头的潮湿感觉。当时觉得这司空见惯，而现在，我无法想象，再把一根手指伸到她嘴里，还司空见惯…
But I'd say it, and across the words might come the chiming of the great house bell; and then I would shudder to think of our plot being so much as a single hour nearer its end, the jaws of our trap that little bit closer and tighter about her and harder to prise apart.
不过我在钟声响起的时候说这句话；一想到我们的计划又朝终点前进了一个小时，我们对她布下的网收紧了，更难逃脱了，我就会浑身颤抖。
Of course, she felt the passing hours, too. It made her cling to her old habits -- made her walk, eat, lie in her bed, do everything, more stiffly, more neatly, more like a little clockwork doll, than ever. I think she did it, for safety's sake; or else, to keep the time from running on too fast.
当然，她也感到了时间流逝。这使她坚守的老习惯——散步，用餐，躺在床上，不管干什么，都比以前更刻板，更准时，更象一个机械娃娃。我觉得她这么做，是出于安全考虑；要么是，让时间不要流逝得太快。
"Ten days to go," I would say to myself. "Ten days, and you will be rich!"
“只剩十天了。”我会对自己如是说。“十天，你就要发财了。”
"Go back to sleep," I said, one night. It was a night close to the end.
“乖乖睡觉，”有天夜里我说道。那是个临近出走的夜晚。
"I'm afraid to," she said. "Oh, Sue, I'm afraid…"
“我怕，”她说道。“噢，苏，我怕…”
She began to dream again. She began to wake, bewildered, in the night. Once or twice she rose from her bed: I opened my eyes and found her moving queerly about the room. "Are you there?" she said, when she heard me stirring; and she came back to my side and lay and shook. Sometimes she would reach for me. When her hands came against me, though, she'd draw them away. Sometimes she would weep. Or, she would ask queer questions. "Am I real? Do you see me? Am I real?"
她又开始做梦了。夜里她开始惊醒，不知所措。有一两次，她从床上起来：我睁开眼，发现她在房间里转来转去，好奇怪。“你醒了？”她听到我的动静，问道。然后她会回到我身边躺下，颤抖着。有时候她会凑过来。手一搭到我身上，她就拿开了。有时她还会哭起来。要不然，问一些奇怪的问题。我是个真人吗？你看到我了吗？我是真人吗？
Her voice, this time, was not at all thick, but soft and clear, and so unhappy it woke me properly and I looked for her face. I could not see it. The little rushlight that she always kept lit must have fallen against its shade, or burned itself out. The curtains were down, as they always were. I think it was three or four o'clock. The bed was dark, like a box. Her breath came out of the darkness. It struck my mouth.
这回她的声音一点也不含糊，而是轻柔清楚，很不开心的。这让我完全清醒了，我试图看清楚她的脸。可我看不到，她一直点着的那盏小汽灯，灯火肯定落到罩子下面去了，要么就是灭了。窗帘如往常一样都放下来了，我估计这会儿是半夜三点或者四点。床上一片漆黑，象个盒子。黑暗中，她的气息扑面而来，冲到我嘴边。
"What is it?" I said.
“怎么回事？”我说道。
But, she would not. I felt her lying, still but very stiff. I felt the beating of her heart. At last she said again, in a whisper: "Sue --"
然而，她不睡。我感觉到她躺在身边，一动不动，十分僵硬。我感觉得到她的心跳。最终，她耳语般地又说道，“苏——”
"You do," she said unhappily.
“你这么想？”她闷闷不乐地说道。
She said it, as a child might. The words unnerved me rather. I turned again, and peered into the darkness, to try and make out her face.
她象个孩子似的说出这话。这话让我特别没防备。我翻个身，眼珠在黑暗乱转，想看清她面孔的轮廓。
"You know you shall. Now, go back to sleep."
“你知道你要结婚了，现在，乖乖睡觉。”
"What is it, miss?"
“怎么了，小姐？”
She did not answer. She only lay, stiff as before. But her heart beat harder -- I felt it lurch. I felt her draw in her breath. She held it. Then she spoke.
她没答话。她就那么躺着，跟刚才一样僵硬。不过她的心跳得更剧烈了——我感觉到她的心，我感觉到她屏住了呼吸。她屏息凝神，然后开口说话。
She wet her mouth. "Do you think me good?" she said.
她舔舔嘴唇。“你觉得我好吗？”她说道。
"Shall I?"
“是吗？”
"Good, miss?" I said, as I squinted.
“好的，怎么，小姐？”我边瞟着黑暗边说道。
I turned my head. Then her breath came against my ear. Too loud, it seemed, in the silence. I moved my head again. I said, "Well, you shall be married, soon, for real."
我转过头。她的呼吸轻拂着我的耳朵。在一派寂静之中，她的呼吸声似乎有点重。我又动了下脑袋，说道：“嗯，你马上就要结婚了，真的结婚。”
"I wish you were sleeping," I thought. But I did not say it. What I said was, "Wise? Aren't you wise? A girl like you, that has read all those books of your uncle's?"
“我希望你睡觉，”我思忖道。可我没这么说。我说的是。“聪明？你不聪明吗？一个象你这样读了你舅舅所有藏书的姑娘？”
She said, "I dreamed -- I dreamed I was married…"
她说道：“我做梦了——我梦到我结婚了。”
"Of course!"
“当然！”
"I wish you wouldn't. I wish I wasn't. I wish -- I wish I was wise."
“我希望你别这么想。我希望我不好，我希望——我希望我是聪明人。”
I said, "Don't you know?"
我说道，“你不知道吗？”
"But truly, miss: you mean, you don't know?"
“说真的，小姐，你的意思是说，你什么都不懂？”
"I wish you would tell me," she said, "what it is a wife must do, on her wedding-night!"
“我希望你能告诉我，”她说道，“一个妻子在她的新婚之夜，应该做些什么呢？”
I heard her, and blushed. Perhaps she did, too. It was too dark to see.
我听了这话，脸红起来。可能她也脸红了。夜太黑，什么都看不到。
Tell me the truth, I thought she was about to say; and my own heart beat like hers, I began to sweat. I thought, "She knows. She has guessed!" -- I almost thought, Thank God!
告诉我真相，我以为她要这么说。我的心也象她的一样剧烈跳动起来。我开始冒汗了。我思忖道，“她知道的。她早猜到了！”——我差点想，感谢上帝！
"I know there is -- something."
“我知道，应该有些——什么事。”
"But you don't know what?"
“那你不知道什么？”
"Sue," she said, "I wish you would tell me --"
“苏，”她说道，“我希望你能告诉我——”
But it wasn't that. It wasn't that, at all. She drew in her breath again, and again I felt her, nerving herself to ask some awful thing. I should have known what it was; for she had been nerving herself to ask it, I think, for a month. At last, the words burst from her.
可不是这么回事，完全不是这么回事。她又屏住了呼吸，我又感觉到，她在为她想问的一些可怕的事而万分紧张。我应该知道她要问什么。因为我觉得，她逼自己问出这些事，已经逼了一个月了。最后，那些话还是从她嘴里脱口而出。
"How should I?" she cried, rising up from her pillow. "Don't you see, don't you see? I am too ignorant even to know what it is I am ignorant of!" She shook. Then I felt her make herself steady. "I think," she said, in a flat, unnatural voice,
“我怎么懂？”她叫道。从枕头上坐起来。“你没看见吗？你没看见吗？我无知到根本不知道自己有多无知！”她战栗着。然后，我感觉到她让自己镇定下来，“我想，”她用一种不自然的平稳声音说道。
"How should I?"
“我该怎么做？”
"Will he?" she said.
“他会吗？”她说道。
Her hand grew still. I think she blinked. I think I heard it. She said, "You mean, to stand with me in his arms?"
她的手不动了，我想她在眨眼睛。我觉得我能听到这个。她说道，“你的意思是说，他站在那儿，把我抱在怀里？”
Again, I felt her breath on my face. I felt the word, kiss. Again, I blushed.
我再次感到她的气息扑面而来，听到那个词——吻，我的脸又红了。
"On my mouth. Of course…" She lifted her hands to her face: I saw at last, through the darkness, the whiteness of her gloves, heard the brushing of her fingers across her lips. The sound seemed greater than it ought to have done. The bed seemed closer and blacker than ever. I wished the rush-light had not burned out. I wished -- I think it was the only time I ever did -- that the clock would chime. There was only the silence, with her breath in it. Only the darkness, and her pale hands. The world might have shrunk, or fallen away.
“吻我的嘴，当然…”她手捂着脸：尽管在黑暗里，我还是看到了，她手套的白色，我听到她手指抚过嘴唇。这动静好象比较大。这大床似乎比以前小，比以前黑。我希望那盏汽灯没熄掉，我希望——我想这是我唯一一次这么希望——传来一阵钟声。一片静默，只能听到她的呼吸声，一片黑暗，只能看到她的白色双手。整个世界都战栗着，在无边黑暗里沉沦下去。
"I think he will kiss me. Will he do that?"
“我想他会吻我。他会吻我吗？”
I felt her nod. "On my cheek?" she said. "My mouth?"
我感觉她点了点头。“吻我的脸？”她说道。“还是我的嘴？”
"Yes, miss."
“他会的，小姐。”
"He will want," I said, after a moment, "to embrace you."
“他会，”停了一下，我说道，“拥抱你。”
"What else," she asked, "will he want me to do?"
“那么，”她问道，“他会要我怎么做？”
I thought, "Say it quick. Quick will be best. Quick and plain." But it was hard to be plain, with her.
我思忖道，“一口气说出来，越快越好，又快又直接。”可对着她，实在难以直接说出口。
"On your mouth, I should say."
“吻你的嘴，我想应该是。”
"Perhaps like this.-- Though the feathers, I think, would be devils to shake back into shape, when you've finished!"
“也许象这个吧，——不过等你们完事儿，这可恶的羽绒床垫上会出现一个人形儿。”
"A bed," she said, "like this?"
“床上，”她说道，“就象这个？”
I grew aware of her, waiting. I said, in a fretful way, "He won't want to stand. It's rough, when you stand. You only stand when you haven't a place to lie in or must be quick. A gentleman would embrace his wife on a couch, or a bed. A bed would be best."
我想起她还在等我回应，我烦躁地说道，“他不会傻站着，站着不舒服，一个绅士会在沙发上，或者在床上拥抱他妻子，最好在床上。”
"Finished…" she murmured, as if puzzling over the word.
“完事儿…”她喃喃自语，似乎被这个词弄糊涂了。
She said it, and I pictured her, all at once, in Gentleman's grip. I saw them standing -- as you do see men and girls, sometimes, at night, in the Borough, in doorways or up against walls. You turn your eyes. I tried to turn my eyes, now -- but, of course, could not, for there was nothing to turn them to, there was only the darkness. My mind flung figures on it, bright as lantern slides.
她一说出这话，我眼前马上就刻画出她在绅士怀里的场面，我看到他们站在那儿——就好象有时候夜里，你在镇上看到的男男女女，站在门口，或者靠着墙。你会扭过头去看别处。这会儿我也试图转移视线——可是，当然了，我的视线转移不了，因为周围尽是黑暗，我眼睛不知该往哪儿看。我脑袋里走马灯般地不闪现出这些画面，如信号灯般醒目。
I laughed; but the laugh came out too loud. Maud flinched. Then she seemed to frown.
我笑起来；不过这笑声有点响。莫德有些退缩。然后她好象皱起了眉头。
Then, "Finished what?" she said. "The embrace?"
“什么事儿完了？”她说道。“拥抱吗？”
"Finished it," I said."那事儿完了."我说道.
无
"Finished it." I turned, then turned again. "How dark it is! Where is the light? -- Finished it. Can I be plainer?"
“那事儿，完了。”我翻过身来背朝她，又翻过来面朝她。“屋里太黑了，灯呢？——完事儿了，我能再说得明白点吗？”
"This is different."
“那是不一样的。”
"But do you mean, the embrace?"
“可你的意思，是说拥抱吗？”
"Never what?"
“从没什么？”
"It is what follows," I said, "from kissing, from embracing on a bed. It is the actual thing. The kissing only starts you off. Then it comes over you, like -- like wanting to dance, to a time, to music. Have you never --?"
“那事儿就是接下来发生的事，”我说道，“吻过，在床上抱过之后，那就是实质内容了。吻只是让你激动起来。然后你就想做那事儿了，就好象——就好象某个时候，听到某段音乐，你就想跳舞了一样。你从来没——？”
"Never mind," I said. I still moved, restlessly. "You must not mind. It will be easy. Like dancing is."
“别在意，”我说道。我还在心神不宁地翻来翻去。“你千万别在意，那事儿很简单的，跟跳舞一样简单。”
"Why is it?"
“为什么？”
"I think you could be, Sue. You talk instead of beds, of feathers. What are they to me? You talk of it. What's it?"
“苏，我觉得你可以再说明白点。你净说床啊，羽绒啊，跟我说这些干什么？你得说那事儿，那是什么事儿？”
"There are lots of ways to dance. You can only do this, one way. The way will come to you, when once you have begun."
“跳舞有好多种舞步。你做那事儿，就只有一个路子。等你做过一次，自然而然就会了。”
"But dancing is not easy," she said, pressing on. "One must be taught to dance. You taught me."
“可跳舞一点也不简单。”她说道，“一个人只有教了他怎么跳舞，他才会跳舞。你就教过我。”
I felt her shake her head. "I don't think," she said miserably, "it will come to me. I don't think that kisses can start me off. Mr Rivers's kisses never have. Perhaps -- perhaps my mouth lacks a certain necessary muscle or nerve --?"
我感觉她摇了摇头。“我不觉得，”她可怜巴巴地说道，“我能自然而然地学会，我也不觉得吻能让我激动起来，瑞富斯先生的吻就从没让我激动过。也许——也许我嘴唇上少了一种，必不可少的肌肉或者神经——？”
I rose from my pillow.
我从枕头上坐起来。
"Where are your lips?" I said.
“你的嘴唇呢？”我说道。
"My lips?" she answered, in a tone of surprise. "They are here."
“我的嘴唇？”她惊奇地答道。“在这儿。”
I found them, and kissed her.
我找到她的嘴唇，开始吻她。
I knew how to do it all right, for Dainty had shown me, once. Kissing Maud, however, was not like kissing her. It was like kissing the darkness. As if the darkness had life, had a shape, had taste, was warm and glib. Her mouth was still, at first. Then it moved against mine. Then it opened. I felt her tongue. I felt her swallow. I felt -- I had done it, only to show her. But I lay with my mouth on hers and felt, starting up in me, everything I had said would start in her, when Gentleman kissed her. It made me giddy. It made me blush, worse than before. It was like liquor. It made me drunk. I drew away. When her breath came now upon my mouth, it came very cold. My mouth was wet, from hers. I said, in a whisper, "Do you feel it?"
我完全知道该怎么接吻。达蒂曾经教过我。然而，吻莫德可不象吻达蒂。这就象与黑暗接吻。仿佛这黑暗也有生命，有形状，有味道，有温度，也会有声有色地讲话。刚开始她嘴唇没反应。然后她迎着我的嘴唇动起来。她嘴唇张开了，我感觉到她的舌头。我感觉到她在吮吸，在吞咽。我感觉到——我这么做，只想教教她。可我一碰到她的唇，就感到身体里的欲望升腾起来，那正是我说过的，绅士亲她时在她身体里激发起的一切。这让我头晕目眩。让我面红耳赤，更甚于从前。这个吻仿佛是酒，令我如酒如痴，她的喘息轻拂在我嘴上，清凉如风。我嘴唇湿润了，那是从她嘴里带来的湿润。我以耳语般的声音说道，“你感觉到了吗？”
I said, "For God's sake, miss. Are you a girl, or a surgeon? Of course your mouth will work. Look here." She had fired me up. She had wound me tight, like a spring.
我说道，“看在上帝的分上，小姐。你是个姑娘，还是个医生？你的嘴唇当然很正常。看这儿。”她让我很恼火。她象个弹簧一样让我的神经紧张。
She did not answer. She did not move. She breathed, but lay so still I thought suddenly, "What if I've put her in a trance? Say she never comes out? What ever will I tell her uncle --?"
她没答话，也没动，她喘息着，就那么静静地待着。我忽然想到，“如果我让她神情恍惚了怎么办？她会说出去吗？我该怎么跟她舅舅说——？”
"Does it?"
“是吗？”
"It wants Mr Rivers," I said.
“你是想要瑞富斯先生。”我说。
So, I kissed her again. Then I touched her. I touched her face. I began at the meeting of our mouths -- at the soft wet corners of our lips -- then found her jaw, her cheek, her brow -- I had touched her before, to wash and dress her; but never like this.
所以，我又吻了她。接着我开始抚摸她。抚摸她的面庞。从我们吻在一起的地方——柔软湿润的嘴角——开始，她的下巴，她的面颊，她的额头，我以前帮她更衣或者沐浴时，也抚摸过她，但都跟这次感觉不一样。
"I think it must."
“我觉得肯定是。”
"I don't know. I don't know."
“我不知道，我不清楚。”
That's what I thought. I thought I must show her how to do it, or her fear would spoil our plot.
我就是这么想的。我觉得我得教教她怎么做那事儿，不然她的恐惧会搅乱我们的计划。
Then she shifted a little. And then she spoke.
这时她动了一下，然后她说话了。
"I feel it," she said. Her voice was as strange as mine. "You have made me feel it. It's such a curious, wanting thing. I never --"
“我感觉到了。”她说道。她的声音跟我的一样怪。“你让我找到这种感觉了。那是一种好奇的，想要什么东西的感觉，我从没——”
She spoke, unhappily. But she shifted again, and the shift brought her nearer to me. Her mouth came closer to mine. It was like she hardly knew what she was doing; or knew, but could not help it. She said again, "I'm afraid."
她闷闷不乐地说道。不过她又动了一下，这下她离我近了点。她的嘴离我更近了，她好象不知道自己在干什么，也许她知道，可她忍不住。她又说道，“我害怕。”
"Don't be frightened," I said at once. For I knew that she mustn't be that. Say she got so frightened she cried off marrying him?
“别怕，”我立刻答道。因为我知道她肯定不是害怕。难道她说她非常害怕，于是就不跟他结婚了？
The words sounded queer; as if the kiss had done something to my tongue.
这话听起来怪怪的，仿佛这个吻给我舌头注入了什么。
So smooth she was! So warm! It was like I was calling the heat and shape of her out of the darkness -- as if the darkness was turning solid and growing quick, under my hand.
她身体如此光滑，如此温暖！仿佛在我手中，这黑暗变成一种立体的，快速蔓延的物质，我好象在用这种物质，塑造着她的身体，她的生命。
She began to shake. I supposed she was still afraid. Then I began to shake, too. I forgot to think of Gentleman, after that. I thought only of her. When her face grew wet with tears, I kissed them away.
她颤抖起来，我以为她还有点怕，这时我也颤抖起来。绅士已被我抛到九霄云外去了，我心里只想着她。泪水沾湿了她的面庞，我吻掉了泪珠。
It was easy to say, in the darkness. It was easy to do. But next morning I woke, saw the strips of grey light between the curtains of the bed, remembered what I had done, and thought, My God. Maud lay, still sleeping, her brows drawn together in a frown. Her mouth was open. Her lip had grown dry. My lip was dry, too, and I brought up my hand, to touch it. Then I took the hand away. It smelt of her. The smell made me shiver, inside. The shiver was a ghost of the shiver that had seized me -- seized us both -- as I'd moved against her, in the night. Being fetched, the girls of the Borough call it. Did he fetch you --? They will tell you it comes on you like a sneeze; but a sneeze is nothing to it, nothing at all -- I shivered again, remembering. I put the tip of one finger to my tongue. It tasted sharp -- like vinegar, like blood. Like money.
在黑夜里，如是说如是做都很容易。可第二天早晨醒来，看到床帷之间透进的灰白色光线，想起我的所作所为，我心想，上帝啊。莫德躺在我身边，她还睡着，眉毛皱成一团。她嘴微张着，嘴唇已经干了。我的嘴唇也干了，我抬起手想摸一下嘴，手到嘴边又赶紧放开。我手上都是她的味道。这味道让我五脏六腑深受震撼。这震撼，同我昨夜抚摸她身体时感受的震撼，如出一辙。昨夜我伏在她身上，那震撼的感觉牢牢抓住了我——抓住了我们俩。被搞定了，镇上的姑娘们会这么说。他搞定你了——？他们会跟你说，这感觉就象打喷嚏；可相比这种震撼，打喷嚏根本不算什么——想到这里，我又战栗起来。我把一根手指放进嘴里。这手指上味道鲜明——象醋，象血，又象金钱。
"You pearl," I said. So white she was! "You pearl, you pearl, you pearl."
“珍珠，”我说道。她真白！“你是珍珠！我的珍珠！珍珠！”
I grew afraid. Maud made some movement. I got up, not looking at her. I went to my room. I began to feel ill. Perhaps I had been drunk. Perhaps the beer I had had with my supper had been brewed bad. Perhaps I had a fever. I washed my hands and my face. The water was so cold it seemed to sting. I washed between my legs. Then I dressed. Then I waited. I heard Maud wake, and move; and went slowly in to her. I saw her, through the space between her curtains. She had raised herself up from her pillow. She was trying to fasten the strings of her nightdress. I had untied, them in the night.
我害怕起来。莫德动了动。我赶紧起床，不敢看她。我回到自己的卧室，开始感觉不舒服。可能酒喝多了，可能昨天晚饭喝的啤酒没酿好。也可能是发烧了。用冰冷刺骨的水洗过手和脸，又洗了洗下身，然后穿好衣裳，坐下来等着。我听见莫德醒了，动了动，我慢慢走过去。我从窗帷间的空隙里看到她。她自己坐起来了，正在系睡衣上的带子。那是我昨晚解开的。
I looked away! And she didn't call me to her side. She didn't speak. She watched me move about the room, but she said nothing. Margaret came, with coals and water: I stood pulling clothes from the press while she knelt at the hearth, my face blushing scarlet. Maud kept to her bed. Then Margaret left. I put out a gown, and petticoats and shoes. I put out water.
我眼睛看向别处！她没有叫我到她身边去。她没说话。她望着我在屋里忙来忙去，却什么都没说。玛格丽特来了，带来煤和热水。玛格丽特蹲在炉边拾掇煤火时，我满面通红，在衣柜边收拾衣服。莫德还没起床。玛格丽特走了，我拿出裙子，衬裙和鞋子。我把水倒好。
I saw that, and my insides shivered again. But when she lifted her eyes to mine, I looked away.
这场面令我五脏六腑再次深感震动。可当她目光落在我身上时，我眼睛看向了别处。
She did. She stood, and slowly raised her arms, and I lifted up her gown. Her thighs had a flush upon them. The curls of hair between her legs were dark. Upon her breast there was a crimson bruise, from where I had kissed too hard. I covered it up. She might have stopped me. She might have put her hands upon mine. She was the mistress, after all! But, she did nothing. I made her go with me to the silvery looking-glass above her fire, and she stood with her eyes cast down while I combed and pinned her hair. If she felt the trembling of my fingers against her face, she didn't say. Only when I had almost finished did she lift her head and catch my gaze. And then she blinked, and seemed to search for words. She said, "What a thick sleep I had. Didn't I?"
她过来了，她站着，慢慢抬起胳膊，我脱掉她的睡衣。她大腿上还留有红晕，两腿间的绒毛是黑的。她胸口有道淤青，青中透着深红，那是我吻得太重了。我遮住那个吻痕。她大可不让我这么做。她大可把手放在我身上。毕竟，她才是小姐！然而，她什么也没做。我把她带到壁炉上的银镜子跟前，给她梳头。她站在我面前，眼帘低垂，她感觉到了吗？我手指触到她脸时的颤抖？她没说。只有当我快给她梳好头了，她才转过头，望着我的眼睛，她眨眨眼，似乎在想该说些什么。她说道，“我睡的多沉啊，是吧？”
"Will you come," I said, "so I may dress you?"
“你要过来更衣吗？”我说道。
"You did," I said. My voice was shaking. "No dreams."
“是的，”我说道。我声音颤巍巍的。“没做梦。”
"No dreams," she said, "save one. But that was a sweet one. I think -- I think you were in it, Sue…"
“没做梦，”她说道，“有一个。不过是个美梦，我想——我想在那个梦里，我梦到你了，苏。”
She kept her eyes on mine, as if waiting. I saw the blood beat in her throat. Mine beat to match it, my very heart turned in my breast; and I think, that if I had drawn her to me then, she'd have kissed me. If I had said, I love you, she would have said it back; and everything would have changed. I might have saved her. I might have found a way -- I don't know what -- to keep her from her fate. We might have cheated Gentleman. I might have run with her, to Lant Street --
她凝视着我，似乎期待着什么。我看到她颈项上血管跳动，我的心也跟着一起跳，在胸膛里翻腾着。我想，如果我把她拉过来，她还会吻我。如果我说，我爱你，她也会说同样的话；那整个故事就不一样了。我就能救她了，我可以想个办法——我也不知道是什么办法——让她避开那悲惨的命运。我们可以联手把绅士蒙过去。我可以带她走，带她去蓝特街——
But if I did that, she'd find me out for the villain I was. I thought of telling her the truth; and trembled harder. I couldn't do it. She was too simple. She was too good. If there had only been some stain upon her, some speck of badness in her heart! -- But there was nothing. Only that crimson bruise. A single kiss had made it. How would she do, in the Borough?
不过，如果我这么做了，她就知道我是什么样的坏家伙了。我想告诉她真相，我左思右想，颤抖不止。我做不到。她太单纯，太善良了。如果她有那么一丁点儿瑕疵，如果她心里有那么一丁点儿不好的地方——就好了！可是，她毫无瑕疵。只有那个吻痕。一个吻留下的痕迹。到了镇上，她能做什么？
I stepped to the window. "Look, there he is! His cigarette almost smoked already. You will miss him, if you wait!"
我走到窗前。“看，他在那儿！他的烟快抽完了，你再不过来，就要错过他了！”
We were awkward with each other, all that day. We walked, but we walked apart. She reached to take my arm, and I drew away. And when, that night, I had put her into her bed and stood letting down her curtains, I looked at the empty place beside her and said, "The nights are grown so warm now, miss. Don't you think you will sleep better on your own…?"
我俩一整天都别别扭扭的。我们散步，分开走，她过来要挽我胳膊，我让开了。我服侍她上了床，帮她放下床帷，看到她身旁的空位，说道，“现在晚上暖和多了，小姐，你不觉得你自己也能睡的很好…”
And then, how would I do, back in the Borough with her at my side? I heard, again, John's laugh. I thought of Mrs Sucksby.
到时候，我怎么会，我怎么，回到蓝特街，身边多了个她？我耳边再次响起约翰的嘲笑声。我想起萨克丝比太太。
Maud watched my face. I put the last pin to her hair, and then her net of velvet. I swallowed, and said, "In your dream? I don't think so, miss. Not me. I should say -- I should say, Mr Rivers."
莫德注视着我的脸。我给她别上最后一根发卡，再给她戴上天鹅绒发网。我咽了下口水，说道，“梦到我了？我不觉得，小姐，不是我，我应该说——我应该说，是瑞富斯先生。”
But every time, I thought of what would happen if I did. I knew that I couldn't lie beside her, without wanting to touch her. I couldn't have felt her breath come upon my mouth, without wanting to kiss her. And I couldn't have kissed her, without wanting to save her.
然而每一次，我都会想，如果我这么做，会有什么后果。我清楚，躺在她身边，我没法儿不去碰她。感觉到她的气息拂过我嘴边，我没法儿不去吻她。而一旦吻了她，我又没法儿不去救她。
I went back to my narrow bed, with its sheets like pieces of pastry. I heard her turning, and sighing, all through the night; and I turned, and sighed, myself. I felt that thread that had come between us, tugging, tugging at my heart -- so hard, it hurt me. A hundred times I almost rose, almost went in to her; a hundred times I thought, Go to her! Why are you waiting? Go back to her side!
我回到自己的小床上，钻进如湿面团般的被褥里。我听到她在辗转反侧，不断叹气，一整夜都这样。我自己也辗转反侧，不停叹息。我感觉我们之间那根连线被扯紧了，它牵扯着我的心——扯得好用力，扯得我好疼。千百次的挣扎，我几乎要起来了，几乎要走过去；千百次的思量，到她那儿去！为什么干等着？回她身边去！
So, I did nothing. I did nothing the next night, too, and the night after that; and soon, there were no more nights: the time, that had always gone so slow, ran suddenly fast, the end of April came. And by then, it was too late to change anything.
所以，我什么都没做。次日夜里，我还是什么都没做，后来亦如是；很快，我们在布莱尔的夜晚就所剩无几了。时光流逝，慢时太慢，快时又太快。终于到了四月底。而此时，再想改变什么，为时已晚。