"Sir?" she repeats. "How soon do you want it to get there?"
“先生？”她又说了一遍，“你想要多快能送到？”
I rub two fingers, hard, over my left eyebrow. The throbbing has become intense. "It doesn't matter," I say.
我用两个手指用力揉着左眉。悸痛越发厉害了。“无所谓。”我说。
The clerk takes the package. The same shoebox that sat on my porch less than twenty-four hours ago; rewrapped in a brown paper bag, sealed with clear packing tape, exactly as I had received it. But now addressed with a new name. The next name on Hannah Baker's list.
办事员接过包裹。还是不到24小时前我家门廊上放着的那个鞋盒：用牛皮纸袋重新包过，用透明封箱带封住，就跟我收到时一模一样。只是收件人姓名换了。汉娜·贝克名单上的下一个。
"Baker's dozen," I mumble. Then I feel disgusted for even noticing it.
“面包师傅的一打。”我咕哝出声来。竟然还能注意到这种事，我自己都觉得厌恶。
"Excuse me?"
“什么？”
I shake my head. "How much is it?"
我摇了摇头。“多少钱？”
She places the box on a rubber pad, then punches a sequence on her keypad.
她把盒子放在一个橡胶垫板上，在键盘上打了一串数字。
I set my cup of gas-station coffee on the counter and glance at the screen. I pull a few bills from my wallet, dig some coins out of my pocket, and place my money on the counter.
我把在加油站买的咖啡搁在柜台上，朝屏幕看了一眼。我从钱包里取出几块钱，从口袋里掏出几个硬币，把钱放在柜台上。
"I don't think the coffee's kicked in yet," she says. "You're missing a dollar."
“我看咖啡的劲还没上来呢，”她说，“还差一块钱。”
I hand over the extra dollar, then rub the sleep from my eyes. The coffee's lukewarm when I take a sip, making it harder to gulp down. But I need to wake up somehow.
我递了一块钱给她，又揉了揉睡意蒙咙的双眼。我喝了一口咖啡，咖啡半温不热的，都没法大口地喝。可我得让自己振作起来。
Or maybe not. Maybe it's best to get through the day half-asleep. Maybe that's the only way to get through today.
不过，或许不用。可能最好还是一整天迷迷糊糊的。要挨过今天或许只能这样了。
"It should arrive at this address tomorrow," she says. "Maybe the day after tomorrow." Then she drops the box into a cart behind her.
“包裹明天应该送到，”她说，“可能会是后天。”说着她把鞋盒扔进身后的推车里。
I should have waited till after school. I should have given Jenny one final day of peace.
我本该等到放学后的。理应让简妮多一天太平日子。
Though she doesn't deserve it.
虽说她并不配。
When she gets home tomorrow, or the next day, she'll find a package on her doorstep. Or if her mom or dad or someone else gets there first, maybe she'll find it on her bed. And she'll be excited. I was excited. A package with no return address? Did they forget, or was it intentional? Maybe from a secret admirer?
明天，或者后天，她回到家，就会看到门前台阶上有个包裹。要是她爸妈或其他人先回家，她可能就会在自己床上看到这个包裹。她会很兴奋。我当时就很兴奋。没有寄件人地址的包裹？是忘了还是故意的？是哪个暗恋者寄来的吗？
"Do you want your receipt?" the clerk asks.
“你要收据吗？”办事员问。
I shake my head.
我摇摇头。
A small printer clicks one out anyway. I watch her tear the slip across the serrated plastic and drop it into a wastebasket.
小打印机还是咯吱咯吱打了一张出来。我看着她从齿状塑料板上撕下收据，扔进废纸篓。
There's only one post office in town. I wonder if the same clerk helped the other people on the list, those who got this package before me. Did they keep their receipts as sick souvenirs? Tuck them in their underwear drawers? Pin them up on corkboards?
镇上只有一个邮局。我心想，会不会就是这个办事员给名单上其他人，就是那些在我之前收到包裹的那些人，办理包裹邮寄的。他们是不是把收据留着，就像一种变态的纪念品？藏在内衣抽屉里？夹在软木板上？
I almost ask for my receipt back. I almost say, "I'm sorry, can I have it after all?" As a reminder.
我几乎想要回我的收据。我几乎想说：“对不起，我还是留着，行吗？”就当做一个念想。
But if I wanted a reminder, I could've made copies of the tapes or saved the map. But I never want to hear those tapes again, though her voice will never leave my head. And the houses, the streets, and the high school will always be there to remind me.
可是．我想要一个念想的话，可以把磁带复录一套，或者留着那张地图。但我再也不想听那些磁带了，尽管她的声音再也不会从我耳畔消失。还有那些房屋、街道，还有学校，都在那儿，随时提醒着我。
It's out of my control now. The package is on its way. I leave the post office without the receipt.
现在我已经掌控不了了。包裹已经寄出去了。我离开了邮局，没有收据。
Deep behind my left eyebrow, my head is still pounding. Every swallow tastes sour, and the closer I get to school, the closer I come to collapsing.
我左边眉心处还在突突狂跳。每吞咽一下都有种苦味，离学校越近，我越觉得自己要撑不住了。
I want to collapse. I want to fall on the sidewalk right there and drag myself into the ivy. Because just beyond the ivy the sidewalk curves, following the outside of the school parking lot. It cuts through the front lawn and into the main building. It leads through the front doors and turns into a hallway, which meanders between rows of lockers and classrooms on both sides, finally entering the always-open door to first period.
我希望自己撑不住。我就想要倒在人行道那儿，钻到常青藤丛里。因为人行道就在常青藤那儿沿着学校停车场的外侧转弯了。人行道穿过前面的草坪，通往主楼，再穿过前门，进入过道，拐过一排排锁柜，还有两旁的教室，最后通向总是敞开着门的第一节课的教室。
At the front of the room, facing the students, will be the desk of Mr. Porter. He'll be the last to receive a package with no return address. And in the middle of the room, one desk to the left, will be the desk of Hannah Baker.
教室前，面对着学生的，是波特老师的桌子。他将是最后一个收到没有寄件人地址的包裹的人。在教室中间，左边第二排，就是汉娜·贝克的课桌。
Empty.
空着，没人。